When you’re on holiday,
I’ll waltz into your holiday home
as if I own the place.
Soon you will trust me,
but I have an accomplice
and while I befriend you
she’s going to empty your home of its contents.
It’s a very, very, very kind thing I’ll do.
Your carpets will not be there when you go back.
Your furniture will be piled up in the back
of a transit van hurtling to a warehouse.
I hope you’ve been paying your insurance premiums.
We might take your husband as well.
Think of it as a fresh start,
a new life,
a blank slate!
You’ll book a ticket to go round the world to find yourself
while I find out what your stuff’s worth.