How to Appear Well-Adjusted


Have a shower every day of the week

and look as if you mean it.

Gentlemen should keep their stubble short

and so should ladies.


Take the papers given out in the street;

sit yourself on the bus.

Turn the pages like the words hold any meaning.


That’s how to seem as if you’re a normal person,

how to look all right,

how to seem convincing and well-adjusted.

We are the experts, so we ought to know.


Smile and say hello to all your colleagues,

sometimes stop to talk.

Steer the conversation clear of dangerous topics.

Count to ten before you send that email

or post an angry blog,

and if it’s already gone, be prepared to grovel.


Yes, you seem as if you’re a normal person.

Yes, you look all right.

True, you sound convincing and well-adjusted.

I’ll put the show on, because the show must go on.